Last night, I read a few chapters of
Treasure Island to Judah, where I came across this quote from Robert Louis Stevenson's famous Long John Silver to young Jim:
"You can't touch pitch and not be mucked, lad."
Judah switched gears on me this morning and changed his reading selection from
Treasure Island to his
Children's Story Bible by Catherine Vos. What stood out to me from our reading was this:
"Sin is like a wild animal. It is always waiting to jump on you and choke you."
Reading Francis Schaeffer's
The God Who Is There, I came across a passage that spoke volumes to me:
The Christian is to resist the spirit of the world. But when we say this, we must understand that the world-spirit does not always take the same form. So the Christian must resist the spirit of the world in the form it takes in his own generation. If he does not do this, he is not resisting the spirit of the world at all. This is especially so for our generation, as the forces at work against us are of such a total nature. It is our generation of Christians more than any other who need to heed these words attributed to Martin Luther:
'If I profess with the loudest voice and clearest exposition every portion of the truth of God except precisely that little point which the world and the devil are at that moment attacking, I am not confessing Christ, however boldly I may be professing Christ. Where the battle rages, there the loyalty of the soldier is proved, and to be steady on all the battlefield besides, is mere flight and disgrace if he flinches at that point.'"
A friend's advice to me just days ago was to completely cut off ties with anyone who flirted with me (primarily through Facebook, if the truth be told). She said that she felt as though she was being harsh. She was firm and direct, but we've known each other for almost as long as I've been married (which will be 10 years in October), so I know that she was speaking out of a spirit of love. In fact, she had attended a marriage class the day before which focused on this exact subject. The seasoned women in the room had offered their wisdom. Whether they were successful in their battles or not, the message was the same: cut off all communication and don't look back.
It took me a few days. I sat on the idea for a while. I struggled with letting go of the thrill of being noticed and flattered and complimented. When someone takes an interest in you, and your greatest desire is to know and to be known, then simply "shutting it down" is not as easy as it sounds.
I know she must have been praying for me because everywhere I turned, the Lord was speaking to me, encouraging me to make the right decision. He knows that through every battle, I want to be one of the ones left standing. He knows that I don't want to become a statistic. He knows that I want my children to grow up with a mommy and a daddy who love each other and stay together--no matter what.
Over the course of the week, I thought while putting Miriam to bed one night that sometimes we just have to trust God, do what he says, and believe that we will eventually walk again in peace, joy, and love--even if we're feeling like crap at the moment. As I put her to bed, I began to pray for her. Since Judah and I have been memorizing Proverbs together, I prayed a few Proverbs over her.
Having Judah memorize scriptures has both helped me and haunted me. For example, I now have rattling around in my head: "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline." and "My son, if sinners entice you, do not give in to them." and "He who listens to me will live in safety, and be at ease, without fear of harm." and "He holds victory in store for the upright and he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless." and "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths."
Once I gathered up enough pluck to either confess my wandering heart to my husband or cut off ties with the flirt, James and I had the biggest fight we've had in a LONG time. On Saturday, we fought. On Sunday, we rode to and from KY together, without saying a word. On Monday night, I spent some time chatting with a former college roommate who encouraged me in my marriage and offered some sound advice. On Tuesday, we went out for dinner. That's when we made some progress and worked through our conflict from Saturday. Of course, on Wednesday, the flirting increased dramatically (it went from "I think he's flirting" to "Oh, he's definitely flirting").
My friend told me that the enemy is poking around, trying to find a weak spot. She and the flirt are both products of failed marriages. Both have said that divorce is painful. Both have said that they'd never want to experience divorce again. The difference is, she's married and he's not.
I listened to a conversation several weeks ago between a woman who is considering divorce and a woman whose parents divorced when she was young. The woman whose parents divorced encouraged the woman whose marriage is rocky that she would do anything in her power to stay together because of the heartache she experienced growing up. The heartache and pain didn't go away just because she grew up. In many ways, it grew up with her.
Last night I read the testimony of a young man whose parents divorced when he was young. He described in detail the painful emotions he experienced as a result of his parent's break-up.
Everywhere I turn, I'm bombarded with messages to "fireproof" my marriage or be a "living warrior." I've been praying almost daily for a friend's marriage, so all of the things I've prayed for her, the Lord has brought to mind for me. I had no idea I was praying for myself. I also remembered today something Brian Smallwood said years ago. He said, "Your own personal victories weaken the stronghold over your region."
So today I did it. I removed the flirt as a friend on Facebook. While my girlfriend told me that I didn't owe him an explanation, I offered one anyway. He completely understood and promised to honor my wishes.
Even though it was really hard, and I'm a little sad that it's all over, I'm also relieved. I write this in hopes that it will encourage someone--anyone--who is in the middle of a raging battle, to prove their loyalty and remain "steady on all the battlefield."
Francis Schaeffer says, "When the apostle warned us to 'keep [ourselves] unspotted from the world,' he was not talking of some abstraction. If the Christian is to apply this injunction to himself he must understand what confronts him antagonistically in his own moment of history. Otherwise, he simply becomes a useless museum piece and not a living warrior for Jesus Christ."
While "you can't touch pitch and not be mucked," it is possible to confess your sins and find mercy, strengthen yourself in the Lord, and overcome the evil one:
He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy. Proverbs 28:13.
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. James 5:16.
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. I John 1:9.
The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.
Psalm 118:14.
May he strengthen your hearts so that you will be blameless and holy in the presence of our God and Father when our Lord Jesus comes with all his holy ones. 1 Thessalonians 3:13.
But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one. 2 Thessalonians 3:3.
O LORD, be gracious to us; we long for you. Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress. Isaiah 33:2.
1 John 2--the whole chapter.
If you've read this far, please pray for us and for your friends who are married. It's not an easy ride, but it's well worth it.
These pictures are a little foreshadowing of what we'll experience if we end up doing this play together! (Hoping to make Daddy feel a little better about it, too.)
These pictures are a little foreshadowing of what we'll experience if we end up doing this play together! (Hoping to make Daddy feel a little better about it, too.)
