Monday, November 29, 2010

Practice Child #1


Keep in mind that Judah is, for me, practice child number one.

I don't pretend to have this parenting thing figured out. I'm also "officially" home-schooling this year. That doesn't mean I necessarily know what I'm doing. To be honest, I'm trying to do very little. Yes, trying, as in "intentionally not doing a whole lot."

Sure, by the standards of the average American household, we do a lot. We read tons of books, we frequent the library storytimes and we watch plays and get out in nature and we look for ways to volunteer our time and resources, we paint, we draw, we color, we sculpt, we act, we create.

But I don't use flash cards. And I don't own any "Teach your child to read" books. And I don't have the alphabet pasted to my wall. And I don't have any DVD's about the ABC's.

Basically, I'm attempting what might be called "the natural method" and I've recently discovered that I'm probably considered an "unschooler." I've read a few books by Dr. Raymond Moore, a developmental psychologist and educator who advocates waiting to teach children to read until they're at least EIGHT years old. I know. It sounded preposterous to me at first, too.

However . . .

Judah is a little more than six and a half. Prior to this year, he has had ZERO interest in learning how to read. Well, I say zero, I mean, almost zero. He couldn't remember the names or sounds of letters from one minute to the next. Fortunately, I had already attended a Carole Joy Seid workshop and wasn't freaked out. She introduced me to Dr. Raymond Moore. I'm pretty sure God knew what an over-achiever I am and He wanted me to take it easy on my son. So here we are.

Tonight, while I was making hummus in the kitchen, Judah was shouting from the other room, "Mom! I know how to spell flower!" And then he would take a pretty good gander at the spelling, I'd tell him how close he was and how brilliant he is, and he would keep guessing until he got it. Later, when we was trying to spell "tomato" (te-ma-to), he said he was writing down the letters, but that wasn't "cheating." He wanted to be able to read the letters back to me without having to keep them in his mind each time. I told him that of course that's not cheating--that's good thinking.

A friend who home-schooled her children through high school had told me once--years ago--that teaching your child to read is a lot like potty-training. Just wait until he's ready and then it's pretty simple. With Judah, I spent months attempting to potty-train him, but with Miriam, I just waited until she was ready, and in a couple weeks, she was fully potty-trained. Carole Joy Seid said you can take years teaching your child to read (like robots) or wait for readiness and watch them bloom in a few months or even weeks.

On the way to visit my parents in KY on Thanksgiving, Judah sounded out the word "brand" in the car. When Miriam asked what "brand" meant, he said, "It means a specific type of thing. Like this is a specific 'brand' of chocolate." Ah, the beauty of teaching a child to read who already grasps the meaning of the words he is sounding out.

I read an article recently about how both sides of the brain have to work together to decode symbols for reading. One side tackles the symbols and the sounds and the other attaches meaning. That's why it's possible to read entire passages and not have a clue what you've just read. One side of your brain was asleep or distracted.

I'm pretty excited about Judah's attempts to sound out words and write letters and basically teach himself to read. For example, we picked up a book from the library last week, and he came home, sat down on the couch, and sounded out the title again and again and again. He was studying the letters. He was literally teaching himself to read.

He wants to read so badly he can taste it. But I know that what he figures out on his own he will carry with him for a lifetime. What I try to spoon-feed him will either be spit out or quickly forgotten.

I'm here. I'm ready to answer questions. I'll read every day and check out audio books so he can listen to books even when I'm not available. The day will come when he will be reading to me and to his younger sisters. I think that day is not far from now. I'm eager to write down the name of Judah's first read-aloud book.

But for now it's time for bed. So says the husband.

Monday, November 15, 2010

This Boy of Mine




Oh, where do I begin?

If my husband were writing this, he'd probably begin with last night's events since he was there. Apparently, when he went to pick up Judah from his class at The Anchor, one of the girls in Judah's class was crying because of Judah's retaliating drawing and remark. James brought it up this morning because he wanted me to somehow communicate with Judah about the situation.

Judah said that Sophia drew a picture of a girl pushing down boys, so he drew a picture of himself pushing down Sophia--and then he told her about it--which, of course, made her cry. Even after his teacher talked to him about it, he still didn't understand why what he did "wasn't appropriate" (his words). So I turned it around:

"What if you had drawn a picture of boys pushing down girls and then Sophia drew a picture of herself pushing you down? How would you feel?"

"Sad."

"That's why it's not appropriate. If you do something to someone else that would make you feel bad if they did it to you, then it's not appropriate. We treat people the way we want to be treated--not the way they treat us. How did Sophia respond to your drawing?"

"She didn't see it."

"How did she know about it?"

"I told her."

"And how did she respond?"

"I don't know."

"Did she laugh?"

"No."

"Did she smile?"
"No."

"Did she cry?"

"A little."

"So how do you think she felt?"

"Sad."

"Oh. So her response to your drawing was crying because it made her sad. How would you feel about writing her a letter?"

"Good . . . Where's the paper?"

I found an empty card and a pen and thought I was going to write it for him, but he sat down with it and asked me how to spell the following:

I AM SORRY FOR DRAWING A PICTURE OF PUNCHING YOU. JUDAH. I (heart symbol) SOPHIA. FROM JUDAH.

Then, as Daddy's suggested, he drew a picture of himself with Sophia fighting a monster together with swords to show that they're on the same team.
I'm not sure why this impacted me to the degree that I wanted to take the time to sit down and write it out, except that Judah hasn't been interested in writing until now, and it really surprised me that he wanted to write the card himself. A few weeks ago he wrote out a poem that he memorized, but he did it on the dry erase board and instead of James telling him each letter, he wrote it on the board and Judah copied it. This is the first time he has written this much on his own.
I also feel like he processed the situation well. I could tell that at first he was defensive, but by the time we got to writing the letter, his heart had softened and he was truly sorry for what he did. His face gives him away every time--he's so expressive.
This weekend, I think I apologized at least twice a day for my short temper. I rarely feel as if I do things "right," but I feel like we handled this one pretty well, and I wanted a reminder.
A huge thanks to the writings of Dr. Raymond Moore (School Can Wait and Homestyle Teaching books) and the teachings of Danny Silk (Loving Our Kids on Purpose CDs)--you have both saved me a ton of stress and grief.