Last weekend when Tiffany was staying with us (remember, she's 10 and he's 3), they were sitting in the dining room together bantering back and forth about what Judah knows and doesn't know. The conversation went something like this:
"I KNOW, Tiff. I know EVERYthing."
"No, you don't."
"Yes, I do."
Tiffany gets ready to prove him wrong: "OK, then what's 12 times 12?"
Judah responds, "Math."
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On Wednesday night after a marriage and family class, Judah was playing in the hallway on the stair rail. Climbing on the rail is his favorite thing to do after his class on Sunday mornings. Lane, the security guard (who, by the way, is a friend of ours and has been to our house once for lunch) says to Judah, "You need to get down from there. You might get hurt."
Judah says, "No, thank you."
So Lane says, "I'm in charge of security tonight and I need you to stop climbing on the rail."
Judah says, "You're not security."
Lane says, "Yes, I am. See, the back of my shirt says 'Security.'"
Judah says, "I know how to read. And that does NOT say 'Security.'"
So Lane brings him to me with the story of how he can read, and Judah tells me about how this man won't let him climb. He's one confident little kid; I'll give him that.
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A day or two ago, James was laughing at Miriam for refusing the food he was offering and reaching for what she really wanted. I said, "It's because I'm teaching my children to think--and not blindly accept whatever is thrown at them by authority." I actually think that's one of the benefits of the "Directing Vision Daily" parenting strategies that we use (maybe not in Miriam's case yet, but definitely in Judah's).
Judah is really quick to let you know how he feels about stuff. He has no problem talking to adults. In fact, when we were in Target on Thursday night, he had planted himself on the floor, a full aisle's length from a television, so he could watch the video that was playing. When an adult walked up to the TV and stood in front of it, Judah (in a polite voice) said, "Excuse me. You're in my way." When the man didn't hear him, he walked up to him and said (again, in a polite voice), "You're in my way." The man looked at me, and I said, "He was sitting back here watching the show and you stepped in front of the TV." The guy smiled and stepped back.
Granted, some of that is simply Judah's personality, but I think it also helps that he hasn't grown up in an atmosphere of fear. If fear is a spirit (God has not given us a spirit of fear) that doesn't come from God, then there has to be a better way to encourage our children to obey or to care about what we need from them besides threatening, spanking, yelling, or jerking them around (if you've read anything else I've written here, you know that I occasionally make the mistake of doing all of these, but that's not how we normally live). Partnering with a spirit of fear in order to feel as though we're in control of our children is all too common. I see it all the time when we go out. I know it's a way of life for our Tiffany: barking orders, hurling insults, getting "hit" for even the most minor infractions . . . she lives in an atmosphere dominated by fear. Not just in her home, either. She can't play outside without being afraid of what might happen. She lives in a high crime area, surrounded by drug activity, prostitution, fighting . . . It's so bad that James doesn't feel safe when we go to pick her up or drop her off. He's almost always approached by drug dealers, and one day when we came to pick her up, two men literally threw themselves at our van. It was pretty embarrassing for Tiffany's mom. She called later to apologize for their behavior.
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I started this post thinking I would share some funny things my son has said recently and it's turned into much more. Much, much more than I can tackle right now with both kids climbing on me and wanting my attention.
Happy Sunday morning. :0)
2 comments:
Of all your posts about Judah, this is the one that has kept me up the most nights, until I finally let it go. But maybe I just need some clarification on the story with Lane and the rail.
Did you like Judah's response? Do you not see it as disrespectful or disobedient or smart-alecky? I don't quite understand.
I just re-read it and can see how you could read it as being negative. When Lane came to me with Judah, he was cracking up laughing and we joked for the next couple Sundays about how he "finally" got a shirt that said "Security." I guess if Judah had insisted on climbing on the rail even after he was asked not to, I would consider that being disobedient, but he caved in and we didn't hear another word about it. For the past few years, he's been allowed to climb on the rail, and no one has asked him not to. I think that because Lane was taking away a freedom that Judah had previously enjoyed, Judah tried to figure out a way to maintain it without throwing a fit. That's the part that makes me laugh--the way he thinks--especially how quickly he comes up with this stuff. He's very matter-of-fact. So, yes, I liked his response, and no, I don't think it was smart-alecky or disobedient. I'm not teaching him to blindly accept orders from authority. I'm teaching him to think and to question. Because he's only four (actually, three at the time), he hasn't figured out all the appropriate and inappropriate responses, but I'm thankful for his courage, his boldness, and his confidence. Granted, I've got my work cut out for me in that I have to try to shape him into a kind, respectful, thinking, pre-schooler, but we're constantly working on that with each adult and child interaction.
I had wondered what parenting stuff bothered you. Thanks for letting me know and for showing me that there are different ways of interpreting what I've written!
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