If I were to send a Christmas card . . .

When James and I got married, we sent out artistic, handmade wedding invitations thanks to my dear friend Leilani and her boundless creativity.

When James and I moved to Uganda, we created a beautiful newsletter with the help of our talented friend Jonathan and mailed it to practically everyone we knew.

When Judah was born, we sent out a birth announcement--again, with the help of Jonathan for the fun photos.

When Judah was around 18 months old, we had family pictures made by our budding-photographer friend Lillian. She designed a fun Christmas card, which we sent out along with a "Happy Dances" DVD that her husband Chris put together for us.

When Miriam was born, we sent out a birth announcement--again thanks to Lillian's photography and graphic design skills, now already at a professional level.

When Nadia was born, we didn't even send thank-you notes.

What happened?

I had fully intended to mail a birth announcement. I even had some newborn pictures made by Sandy Shaffer, who took my first-ever maternity pictures when I was pregnant with Judah. I fully intended to hand-write thank-you notes and send them with the announcement. I have a list of dear friends who blessed me immensely with gifts and visits and meals and words of encouragement and acts of service . . . but I failed.

I failed to do much at all the year after Nadia was born.

Honestly, I was facing some pretty tough postpartum depression. It didn't lift for an entire year. I started to feel a little better after about six months, but it was fully a year before I felt like myself again.

I've thought for the past two years about sending out Christmas cards that say something like this:

We had a baby!

She's almost three.

Nadia Ruth Todd
born April 7, 2010

http://wjphotography.net

I don't even remember how much she weighed or how long she was. Truthfully, I don't always remember her birthday. Like my friend Lisa, who was also born on April 7, I want to say April 6. And often do. It's embarrassing. All I really remember is that she was my breech baby who needed to be born via C-section and it took a ridiculously long time to recover. We snuggled a lot that first year. Rested and snuggled. And read books. And played dress-up.

The Christmas card would continue with a list of things that have happened in our lives since the birth of sweet Nadia Ruth . . . things like the trips we made this year to visit family in Florida . . . how the kids got to meet their great-grandma for the first time . . . how Judah has taken an interest in fencing as well as acting . . . and how Miriam is still dancing with Rejoice and has started taking another dance class with a former student of mine from New Song Christian Academy, Isabella Kearny . . . how she is LOVING her one-day-a-week kindergarten tutorial . . . how much we're enjoying the home education journey and reading lots of great books . . . how this year marked 20 years since I graduated high school and my parents' 40th wedding anniversary . . . how my family, instead of doing theater this year, appeared in a commercial and a documentary . . . how I discovered Beyond Organic and did my first cleanse and got hooked on all the nutrient-dense, high-probiotic yumminess, and love it more now than I did a year ago . . . and it would most certainly include a personal note of thanks for the cards, meals, visits, gifts, etc. that were bestowed upon us during the weeks following Nadia's birth, nearly three years ago now. And, of course, it would wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

I never do it.

As my mom and sister will tell you, I'm an all-or-nothing kind of gal. If I don't have something professional-looking to send, I won't send anything. If I can't sit down to write all the notes at one time (and have everything I need to get them out--the list of people to thank, what I'm thanking them for, the beautiful cards, the envelopes, the addresses, the stamps . . . ) It will never happen. It remains an unmaterialized idea indefinitely.

I have a gorgeous picture of sweet Nadia Ruth with our very first Christmas tree ever. It would make a tremendous Christmas card. I think. But what if the print quality is off? What if it only looks good digitally on a lighted screen? These are the things that lead to my creative paralysis.

And then I feel like I need to explain why we never had a tree. Never had the desire. Never saw the point. Never had the space. Didn't care. Until I had children and moved into a house with 1) space to put up a tree, and 2) space to store a tree. And my parents gave me their tree--and all the decorations to go with it. So the year that we moved into our new house (exactly one year ago this month), I put up my very first Christmas tree ever (as a grown up). My dear friend RoseMarie came over to help, and I even called my dad for help as I was putting it all together. It looked lovely. The kids were visiting my parents and came home to their very first Christmas tree ever. The excitement was tangible. That night I got a picture of Nadia in a tutu, reaching for an ornament on the tree. It's magical.

This year Miriam asked me, "Mom, why do people put up Christmas trees?"

I said, "I don't know, baby, but the tradition had to start somewhere with someone, didn't it? Maybe we could find out."

She replied, "Maybe it's because the bad men who killed Jesus nailed him to a tree. Do you think that's why? So people will remember?"

This child asks questions and offers some of the most well-thought-out answers . . . just the other day she asked me why Daddy was so much more stern with them than I was, and, of course, I said, "I don't know, baby" (my standard answer for deep questions like these), and she says, "I think it's because you still have your mother, but Daddy doesn't have his mother anymore."

She thinks. She wonders. She offers some of the most beautiful and grace-filled explanations. She melts my heart. She turned six last week. Two-hands needed for that number. Sweet, sweet Miriam. I love that girl.

And Nadia. A friend described Nadia last night as "very advanced for a four-year-old . . . but she's two." When I told my mom and sister what my friend said, they both remarked that Nadia doesn't "baby talk." I'm always in awe of how expressive she is and how articulate. I seem to produce highly articulate children. I like that.

My first-born auditioned for a play and landed the role of 9-year-old Jesse in "Distracted" with the Tennessee Women's Theater Project. This will be his first paid role. He is THRILLED. I do need to offer a word of caution, however, that this play, while it is certainly for families, is not family-friendly. Please don't plan to bring your children to this one. Seriously. Your teenagers or college-aged students, maybe, but no kiddos. Too many mature themes and coarse language.

We auditioned together since TWTP was looking for both a mom in her late-30's to early-40's and a 9-year-old boy. Thanks to the utterly remarkable Kristen Chipman, we had same-day headshots, homemade pumpkin soup, childcare for the girls, and Costco prints in hand as we headed to our audition. She made that entire day possible, and I don't know what on earth I would have done without her.

January and February will be very theater-centric months for us because not only did Judah land a role in a play, but so did Miriam! She auditioned for "The Barefoot Children of the City of Ward" with The Theater Bug, and was cast as Little. This show actually has two casts--Which cast and What cast--since she is in Which cast, she will be performing from January 31-February 3.

Judah's play runs February 22-March 10, and right in the middle of that, he will turn nine.

A month later I will be the mom of three children: 3, 6, and 9.

The year will be 2013.

In October, I will turn 39.

So many odd numbers. I wonder if it will be an odd year.

Back to the Christmas card. If I sent one, I would also want to include a picture of our family. This one was taken last year by Jill Batson. It hangs above our fireplace and makes my heart happy.

So, here's to an odd 2013 and the materialization of creative ideas.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

By the way, we're having an open-house on New Year's Eve if you'd like to stop by for some fun, food, fellowship, and other things that don't begin with the letter "F." Games, for instance. And cheese.