Check out this article on Wikipedia about Crisco. If this doesn't make you want to switch to real butter (or any REAL fat/oil), I'm not sure what will.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crisco
When I have more energy, I'm going to write more about trans and other fats, but for now, just remember that if your food label says it contains "partially hydrogenated oil," it's lethal. I'm not kidding. According to a conservative Harvard estimate, over 100,000 premature deaths per year in the U.S. could be avoided if it were removed from our food supply.
If you want to learn more, check out http://www.bantransfats.com/ and be sure to look on their links page. Dr. Mary G. Enig, who is an expert in fats and oils, has co-written two articles that are posted there:
The Skinny on Fats and The Oiling of America
Enig's position is that saturated fat does not cause heart disease--the fat to avoid is trans fat. More on all of this later. . . .
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Monday, August 20, 2007
Sunday, August 19, 2007
She's Mobile!
Last night, Miriam moved a pretty good distance while I wasn't looking. I suspected crawling had begun. This morning, my suspicions were confirmed. She spotted a ping pong ball under the pool table at Nana & Papa's house and made her way over to it by CRAWLING.
She's such a little peanut--she can still wear most of her 0-3 mos. clothes and fits pretty well into her 3-6 mos. even though she turned 8 months a few days ago on August 16. This "Bitty Baby" doesn't act tiny, though! Eight months and crawling...it's a whole new world of adventure.
We're staying with my parents for a few days since James is on the other side of the world. Mostly it's been restful and easy. I LOVE having help with the kids--especially at bedtime. While I'm nursing Miriam one last time, Nana's reading books to Judah. By the time I wash my face & brush my teeth, Judah is out. Ah, grandparents. My kids are so fortunate to know theirs.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Don't just Recycle, Freecycle!
Click to join NashvilleFreecycle
When I posted about wanting to try to find some furniture for our Tiffany and her family, a friend told me about Nashville Freecycle. It's a Yahoo group for people who want to give away their stuff, find free stuff, and keep stuff out of landfills.
From their flyer:
Freecycling is an international movement aimed at reducing the amount of garbage going into landfills and giving new life to good used stuff. To find a Freecycle chapter near you, visit:
http://www.freecycle.org
Questions vs. Commands
Sometimes I get on here and I can't remember a single thing I've thought of throughout the day. I'm having one of those moments right now. I cleaned out the fridge today and thought of at least half a dozen things I could write about. Now that the kids are asleep and I'm sitting at my computer, my mind is blank.
OK, something I realized to a deeper degree today is that when Judah is doing something I don't want him to do (like swing a stick around people, for example), I can tell him to stop, or I can ask him questions (Is it safe or not safe to swing a stick around people?) When I ask him a question, it forces him to engage in the discipline process. He has to stop to think, he evaluates his own behavior, and he either continues doing it or he stops. If he continues to do something I don't want him to, I'll ask, "So what do you need to do?" He usually says, "Stop doing it." And I'll respond, "Great idea!"
I realized how important asking questions is today because yesterday mostly bossed him around. The first half of today I spent asking questions. The second half found me exhausted and pulling the "Do you want to obey or get a spank" card. Ugh. He responds so much better to questions. He wants so much to be in control of himself. He also wants me to be happy.
He will often do things just to be able to ask me, "Mommy, are you happy that I did that?" So I try to make a big deal out of the stuff that delights me because I want the things that I like to get a lot of attention. If I'm not intentional about commending him for his positive behavior, I'll only draw attention to that which saddens or frustrates or scares me. Since one of his primary love languages is "words of affirmation," it's absolutely critical that I boast about his accomplishments and affirm him verbally every day. I know that if I ever insulted him, he would be crushed. I'm so thankful that he is mine and I am his.
OK, something I realized to a deeper degree today is that when Judah is doing something I don't want him to do (like swing a stick around people, for example), I can tell him to stop, or I can ask him questions (Is it safe or not safe to swing a stick around people?) When I ask him a question, it forces him to engage in the discipline process. He has to stop to think, he evaluates his own behavior, and he either continues doing it or he stops. If he continues to do something I don't want him to, I'll ask, "So what do you need to do?" He usually says, "Stop doing it." And I'll respond, "Great idea!"
I realized how important asking questions is today because yesterday mostly bossed him around. The first half of today I spent asking questions. The second half found me exhausted and pulling the "Do you want to obey or get a spank" card. Ugh. He responds so much better to questions. He wants so much to be in control of himself. He also wants me to be happy.
He will often do things just to be able to ask me, "Mommy, are you happy that I did that?" So I try to make a big deal out of the stuff that delights me because I want the things that I like to get a lot of attention. If I'm not intentional about commending him for his positive behavior, I'll only draw attention to that which saddens or frustrates or scares me. Since one of his primary love languages is "words of affirmation," it's absolutely critical that I boast about his accomplishments and affirm him verbally every day. I know that if I ever insulted him, he would be crushed. I'm so thankful that he is mine and I am his.
Greeting
This is the greeting I've been getting recently when Miriam wakes up from her naps. She started (last week? week before?) scooting backward into a sitting position. The first time she did it and I walked in the room, I laughed so hard. I couldn't believe she was just sitting there waiting for me.
No Trouble Smiling Now
Right now my children are asleep upstairs. Miriam in her crib; Judah on the bathroom floor. Yes, that's him underneath the towel. We took a shower together and he dried himself off. I put the towel over his head to dry his hair. He said, "Mommy, say, 'What is that thing' when I put this towel on me." So, as usual, we began our game of, "What is that thing?" This time, he was a blob named Dinosaur who liked to go to people's houses and play baseball. I kept asking him questions and continued to get responses until I said, "Dinosaur, can I take a picture of you?" He nodded. I knew he'd be asleep in seconds. I'm still laughing.
Monday, August 13, 2007
Today
Her Royal Excitedness had trouble smiling today. Took Mr. Honey to the airport yesterday. He arrived in India today. He used the Internet to send a text message to my phone this afternoon letting me know he was online. I dashed down the stairs, pulled my computer out, opened it, and sent him an e-mail. I miss him.
When I asked Judah what he'd like to say to Daddy, he said, "I want to tell Daddy that I love him. Say, I want to stay with him all day and all night. Say, I'm gonna give you a present. That's all."
We were able to talk on the phone for a few minutes. I put him on speaker so Judah could hear him. We counted the days on the calendar to see how long it will be before he comes home. When we finished, Judah said, "That's a lot of days."
So I had trouble smiling.
The kids were great. Miriam is getting more and more mobile, and Judah never ceases to amaze me. But I was tired and I knew I wasn't getting any help from around 6 p.m. to bedtime. I really don't know how single parents manage. Parenting is a lot of work.
When I finally sat down at the computer this afternoon to help a friend proofread her résumé, Judah crawled behind me and fell asleep. Miriam was upstairs sleeping in her crib, and when I finished, I went upstairs to lie down in my bed. I desperately needed the rest.
It's time to get some more rest. I haven't had the energy to put the boy to bed, so he's still up, asking a million "Why" questions and giving me a running commentary on everything he's doing.
Time to get our teeth brushed and hit the sack. I'm hoping Miriam will sleep as well tonight as she did last night. We're thinking that Judah wakes her with his shifting around and talking in his sleep (they share a room). He slept with me last night and except for waking to eat at 11 p.m. Miriam slept from 8 p.m. to 6:30 a.m. It was glorious.
Good night.
When I asked Judah what he'd like to say to Daddy, he said, "I want to tell Daddy that I love him. Say, I want to stay with him all day and all night. Say, I'm gonna give you a present. That's all."
We were able to talk on the phone for a few minutes. I put him on speaker so Judah could hear him. We counted the days on the calendar to see how long it will be before he comes home. When we finished, Judah said, "That's a lot of days."
So I had trouble smiling.
The kids were great. Miriam is getting more and more mobile, and Judah never ceases to amaze me. But I was tired and I knew I wasn't getting any help from around 6 p.m. to bedtime. I really don't know how single parents manage. Parenting is a lot of work.
When I finally sat down at the computer this afternoon to help a friend proofread her résumé, Judah crawled behind me and fell asleep. Miriam was upstairs sleeping in her crib, and when I finished, I went upstairs to lie down in my bed. I desperately needed the rest.
It's time to get some more rest. I haven't had the energy to put the boy to bed, so he's still up, asking a million "Why" questions and giving me a running commentary on everything he's doing.
Time to get our teeth brushed and hit the sack. I'm hoping Miriam will sleep as well tonight as she did last night. We're thinking that Judah wakes her with his shifting around and talking in his sleep (they share a room). He slept with me last night and except for waking to eat at 11 p.m. Miriam slept from 8 p.m. to 6:30 a.m. It was glorious.
Good night.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Choices
Praying for a friend's marriage this morning (in the shower, of course), I thought of a pivotal moment in my marriage when God pierced through the dark shroud of self-destruction in which I was steeped. He, quite simply, presented me with a choice.
During the first year of my marriage, I was a wreck. I spent a lot of time crying, yelling, running, sleeping, hiding, fighting, hurting. Every day I thought I was going to die. James could do nothing right. Almost everything he tried was met with fury and rage. I never felt in control of myself. I never felt as though I had a choice.
The first time I can remember being presented with a choice (in my mind--we always have choices, we're just not always aware of them), James and I were at a Saturday afternoon marketplace meeting at Belmont church. We had brought a can of Pringles for snacking (I was having major blood sugar issues at the time and couldn't go anywhere without something to eat).
James proceeded to eat the entire can. I was furious. He left. The hatred in my mind grew more and more intense. I didn't know where he went. I just sat there in my seething anger--alone--and waited. When he returned, he brought with him a new can of Pringles.
The thought entered my mind: Take his face in your hands and say, "Thank you."
I thought, "I can't do that!"
"Why not?"
"Because I'm angry."
"You can stay angry, or you can forgive him."
And then, in my mind, I began to see what would happen if I chose to take his face in my hands and say thank you and what would happen if I chose to hold on to the anger. For the first time I can remember, the consequences of both actions became unclouded, uncomplicated, unmistakably clear.
I had a choice. Instead of reacting, I was presented with the opportunity to respond. It was a powerful moment. I believe it was critically pivotal. I chose light over darkness in that instant, and the darkness cracked.
The next time I was presented with a choice was in our living room during a fight. James asked for forgiveness. This time, it was a little easier to choose.
I used to harbor anger and resentment toward James for weeks at a time. Eventually, I would be able to extend forgiveness within 24 hours. Today, it usually takes only a few minutes.
I don't just throw the phrase, "I forgive you" around lackadaisically. I spend time processing the pain of the offense. I choose to extend forgiveness knowing that unforgiveness is a prison in which I no longer choose to live.
One of my favorite favorite passages from the Bible comes from Isaiah 58:
"'If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk, and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday.'"
God broke through the darkness. His light freed me from oppression. For me, "the pointing finger and malicious talk" revolved around what I thought people weren't doing for me. (For example, I shared with a group of women at church that I was having suicidal thoughts. They prayed for me on the spot, but no one called that week to find out if I was still alive).
Now, almost eight years later, I'm thinking less about what people aren't doing for me and looking for what I can do for other people. I have a baby who is completely dependent on me, a 3-year-old who is becoming more and more independent every day, and our Tiffany, who relies on me to create a haven safe for her. I'm trying to be faithful with little. I'm saying "yes" every day to the opportunities God presents and finding it easier and easier to walk in freedom.
Galatians 5:1 says that "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." I never understood what freedom meant until now. Slaves are subject to their masters; they have no choice.
Freedom, for me, is the ability to choose--the ability to make choices--the ability to control myself even in the midst of pain or fear or offense.
************
(As I'm finishing this, I'm processing yet another place of frustration and pain. Oh, to be completely free and unable to be offended!)
During the first year of my marriage, I was a wreck. I spent a lot of time crying, yelling, running, sleeping, hiding, fighting, hurting. Every day I thought I was going to die. James could do nothing right. Almost everything he tried was met with fury and rage. I never felt in control of myself. I never felt as though I had a choice.
The first time I can remember being presented with a choice (in my mind--we always have choices, we're just not always aware of them), James and I were at a Saturday afternoon marketplace meeting at Belmont church. We had brought a can of Pringles for snacking (I was having major blood sugar issues at the time and couldn't go anywhere without something to eat).
James proceeded to eat the entire can. I was furious. He left. The hatred in my mind grew more and more intense. I didn't know where he went. I just sat there in my seething anger--alone--and waited. When he returned, he brought with him a new can of Pringles.
The thought entered my mind: Take his face in your hands and say, "Thank you."
I thought, "I can't do that!"
"Why not?"
"Because I'm angry."
"You can stay angry, or you can forgive him."
And then, in my mind, I began to see what would happen if I chose to take his face in my hands and say thank you and what would happen if I chose to hold on to the anger. For the first time I can remember, the consequences of both actions became unclouded, uncomplicated, unmistakably clear.
I had a choice. Instead of reacting, I was presented with the opportunity to respond. It was a powerful moment. I believe it was critically pivotal. I chose light over darkness in that instant, and the darkness cracked.
The next time I was presented with a choice was in our living room during a fight. James asked for forgiveness. This time, it was a little easier to choose.
I used to harbor anger and resentment toward James for weeks at a time. Eventually, I would be able to extend forgiveness within 24 hours. Today, it usually takes only a few minutes.
I don't just throw the phrase, "I forgive you" around lackadaisically. I spend time processing the pain of the offense. I choose to extend forgiveness knowing that unforgiveness is a prison in which I no longer choose to live.
One of my favorite favorite passages from the Bible comes from Isaiah 58:
"'If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk, and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday.'"
God broke through the darkness. His light freed me from oppression. For me, "the pointing finger and malicious talk" revolved around what I thought people weren't doing for me. (For example, I shared with a group of women at church that I was having suicidal thoughts. They prayed for me on the spot, but no one called that week to find out if I was still alive).
Now, almost eight years later, I'm thinking less about what people aren't doing for me and looking for what I can do for other people. I have a baby who is completely dependent on me, a 3-year-old who is becoming more and more independent every day, and our Tiffany, who relies on me to create a haven safe for her. I'm trying to be faithful with little. I'm saying "yes" every day to the opportunities God presents and finding it easier and easier to walk in freedom.
Galatians 5:1 says that "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." I never understood what freedom meant until now. Slaves are subject to their masters; they have no choice.
Freedom, for me, is the ability to choose--the ability to make choices--the ability to control myself even in the midst of pain or fear or offense.
************
(As I'm finishing this, I'm processing yet another place of frustration and pain. Oh, to be completely free and unable to be offended!)
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Speaking of Addiction...
I had a revelation today. Never mind that it came in the midst of cleaning up a big poopy mess...welcome to my life.
If you've never battled addiction, this might not make any sense to you.
When a person is steeped in addiction, there is no regard to consequence. There is nothing she won't do to satisfy the craving. She will take risks that could endanger her life or deeply hurt the ones she loves. She can't help herself. She continues in the behavior not knowing how to make it stop. Fighting an unfair fight, she feels powerless to choose a better way.
Here's the revelation: As believers, we become addicted to Jesus and everything he offers. The Bible talks about how we're either slaves to sin or slaves to righteousness. As the former, we're on a downward spiral. It just keeps getting worse and worse. As the latter, the spiral is upward. It just gets better and better. As slaves to righteousness, we can't help but obey our great King no matter what he says, no matter how trivial or strange or inconvenient it seems. We follow the leading of the Holy Spirit without regard to consequence. We care less about what people think and more about what he God wants. Our Kingdom choices don't always make sense to the world (or even to us), but we can't help but follow the one we love.
It makes no sense to stop on the side of the road to hug a prostitute and give her a Wal-Mart giftcard, but I've done it when I've been so compelled that I couldn't help myself.
It makes no sense to pick up strangers and drive them to their destinations, but I've done it when I've sensed the Lord's prompting.
It makes no sense to drive an hour in the middle of the night to walk around a trailer and pray for hours on behalf of a friend's marriage, but I've done it and I've seen God's restoration.
It makes no sense to go to the home of someone I’ve just met simply to pray for her daughter's healing from debilitating endometriosis, but I've done it and seen God's healing power.
Years and years ago, I was a slave to sin. I would find myself in uncomfortable situations and feel powerless to get out. I made some dangerous decisions. By the grace and power and love of God, I'm free from addiction, shame, torment, disease, depression...you name it.
Freedom from addiction didn't erase withdrawal. I still had to walk through the pain that I was medicating. I faced my fears and survived. I cried out to God (and believe me, I cried--for months), and he met me. He healed me. He set me free. Freedom suddenly became, for me, the ability to choose how to respond (rather than react or succumb) in almost any situation.
Now, I'm a total Jesus addict. He is my constant craving. Nothing but Kingdom life satisfies. I can't get enough.
If you've never battled addiction, this might not make any sense to you.
When a person is steeped in addiction, there is no regard to consequence. There is nothing she won't do to satisfy the craving. She will take risks that could endanger her life or deeply hurt the ones she loves. She can't help herself. She continues in the behavior not knowing how to make it stop. Fighting an unfair fight, she feels powerless to choose a better way.
Here's the revelation: As believers, we become addicted to Jesus and everything he offers. The Bible talks about how we're either slaves to sin or slaves to righteousness. As the former, we're on a downward spiral. It just keeps getting worse and worse. As the latter, the spiral is upward. It just gets better and better. As slaves to righteousness, we can't help but obey our great King no matter what he says, no matter how trivial or strange or inconvenient it seems. We follow the leading of the Holy Spirit without regard to consequence. We care less about what people think and more about what he God wants. Our Kingdom choices don't always make sense to the world (or even to us), but we can't help but follow the one we love.
It makes no sense to stop on the side of the road to hug a prostitute and give her a Wal-Mart giftcard, but I've done it when I've been so compelled that I couldn't help myself.
It makes no sense to pick up strangers and drive them to their destinations, but I've done it when I've sensed the Lord's prompting.
It makes no sense to drive an hour in the middle of the night to walk around a trailer and pray for hours on behalf of a friend's marriage, but I've done it and I've seen God's restoration.
It makes no sense to go to the home of someone I’ve just met simply to pray for her daughter's healing from debilitating endometriosis, but I've done it and seen God's healing power.
Years and years ago, I was a slave to sin. I would find myself in uncomfortable situations and feel powerless to get out. I made some dangerous decisions. By the grace and power and love of God, I'm free from addiction, shame, torment, disease, depression...you name it.
Freedom from addiction didn't erase withdrawal. I still had to walk through the pain that I was medicating. I faced my fears and survived. I cried out to God (and believe me, I cried--for months), and he met me. He healed me. He set me free. Freedom suddenly became, for me, the ability to choose how to respond (rather than react or succumb) in almost any situation.
Now, I'm a total Jesus addict. He is my constant craving. Nothing but Kingdom life satisfies. I can't get enough.
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Gazpacho Addiction
I'm addicted to gazpacho. I didn't even know I liked it until this summer. I tried a cup at Kalamata's and started ordering a bowl of it to go, which I would eat the next morning for second breakfast.
Now James and Judah make a huge pot of gazpacho every week using fresh local organic produce from our Eco-Gardens CSA and Whites Creek farmers market, and I've become a total gazpacho junkie. I have a bowl of it every day. Twice today. One for lunch and
The process of becoming unprocessed
I fed my daughter zucchini today. Fresh, local, organic zucchini from our CSA share (Community Supported Agriculture--boxed produce from a local organic farmer). James chopped it up and steamed it last night, and I zipped it up in the mini food processor this morning. Her facial expressions during her first few tries were priceless, but she ate the entire refilled baby food container.
When Judah was still eating baby food, a very unconventional friend of ours (who has nine children) asked, "What exactly is baby food?" He said that they just took whatever they were eating and mashed it up for the little ones. I told him that I bought the jarred stuff because it was so much more convenient. To be honest, I hadn't given much thought to making my own, and if I mashed up what I was eating at the time, the nutritional value of a typical meal for Judah would have been grossly embarrasing.
I'm getting there. The process of becoming unprocessed is a slow one. The shift from fast food to slow food takes time. One of the definitions of repentance is "to change your way of thinking." I guess I'm repenting from a lifetime of processed, refined, nutritionally deficient pseudofood.
While Judah was playing at the little train station in the children's section of Davis Kidd bookstore, I discovered the book Super Baby Food by Ruth Yaron. We bought it from Amazon, and in the past 18 months, I've read through parts of it (she covers a lot more than just baby food), and I've tried a few of the toddler recipes (we actually made homemade granola bars a few weeks ago). Nearly two years later, I'm starting to change my way of thinking. I'm mashing up fresh bananas. I'm pureeing oatmeal. I'm even cooking carrots.
After changing a few interesting diapers, I realized Miriam hadn't had enough fruit, so I picked up a pear that was sitting on the counter, peeled it, cored it with my apple corer, and zipped it up in the mini food processor. She loved it. And her diaper contents improved--well, softened.
I realized afterward that it never dawned on me to do the same for Judah. All of his pears came from a jar, which also means they were cooked. Since fruits and vegetables lose some of their nutrients when heated, serving both raw and cooked foods is important. Judah didn't eat any raw fruits until he could chew, and even then the selection was limited mostly to bananas and apples.
Side note: it occurred to me one day to put just water in his sippy cups. I had equated sippy cups with juice cups, so the idea to fill them with just water was, for me, quite a revelation--something I hadn't read in any parenting magazine, website, or book.
So far Miriam has tried homemade oatmeal, carrots, zuchinni, banana, and pear (in addition to some organic jarred fruits & veggies), and she seems to enjoy eating. One benefit of preparing her food myself (aside from the nutritive value) is that if I use my tongue to clean up a spill, I'm not grossed out. It's all rather tasty.
When Judah was still eating baby food, a very unconventional friend of ours (who has nine children) asked, "What exactly is baby food?" He said that they just took whatever they were eating and mashed it up for the little ones. I told him that I bought the jarred stuff because it was so much more convenient. To be honest, I hadn't given much thought to making my own, and if I mashed up what I was eating at the time, the nutritional value of a typical meal for Judah would have been grossly embarrasing.
I'm getting there. The process of becoming unprocessed is a slow one. The shift from fast food to slow food takes time. One of the definitions of repentance is "to change your way of thinking." I guess I'm repenting from a lifetime of processed, refined, nutritionally deficient pseudofood.
While Judah was playing at the little train station in the children's section of Davis Kidd bookstore, I discovered the book Super Baby Food by Ruth Yaron. We bought it from Amazon, and in the past 18 months, I've read through parts of it (she covers a lot more than just baby food), and I've tried a few of the toddler recipes (we actually made homemade granola bars a few weeks ago). Nearly two years later, I'm starting to change my way of thinking. I'm mashing up fresh bananas. I'm pureeing oatmeal. I'm even cooking carrots.
After changing a few interesting diapers, I realized Miriam hadn't had enough fruit, so I picked up a pear that was sitting on the counter, peeled it, cored it with my apple corer, and zipped it up in the mini food processor. She loved it. And her diaper contents improved--well, softened.
I realized afterward that it never dawned on me to do the same for Judah. All of his pears came from a jar, which also means they were cooked. Since fruits and vegetables lose some of their nutrients when heated, serving both raw and cooked foods is important. Judah didn't eat any raw fruits until he could chew, and even then the selection was limited mostly to bananas and apples.
Side note: it occurred to me one day to put just water in his sippy cups. I had equated sippy cups with juice cups, so the idea to fill them with just water was, for me, quite a revelation--something I hadn't read in any parenting magazine, website, or book.
So far Miriam has tried homemade oatmeal, carrots, zuchinni, banana, and pear (in addition to some organic jarred fruits & veggies), and she seems to enjoy eating. One benefit of preparing her food myself (aside from the nutritive value) is that if I use my tongue to clean up a spill, I'm not grossed out. It's all rather tasty.
Sunday, August 5, 2007
A Week's Worth of Judah Conversations
I wrote these in my journal the week of January 14-21, 2007, so they're six months old, but (in my opinion, which is all you get here anyway) worth sharing:
************
After putting Judah down for a nap and hearing him climb out of his crib, I called upstairs, "Judah, are you in your bed?" Scramble. Climb. Jump.
I open the door and say, "Were you in your bed?"
He says, "I'm in my bed now."
**********
Judah Quote: I want to be a family. Let's all sit on the couch together. We're together now! We're as a family!
**********
While standing on the stepstool, Judah was putting toys in the blender in the kitchen and pretending to make smoothies for me. (Yes, it was unplugged.) I made a sandwich and told him I was going to eat it in the dining room.
"Do you want to come?" I asked.
"No, thank you. I'm really busy. I will join you in a minute."
************
We often give him two choices, but sometimes he confuses the word "choices" with the word "chances," so he'll say, "Mommy, tell me my chances."
************
Judah and Tiffany were playing outside on the porch. They placed two child-sized chairs on top of a mat facing two small square tables. James brought them some food so they could pretend they were at a restaurant. Toward the end, Judah asked, "Daddy, may I have a credit card?"
James was delighted that Judah wasn't going to make Tiffany pay for the meal. For all you Dave Ramsey fans, we started using cash for almost all of our purchases shortly afterward. (I still use the credit card for gasoline--I'm not about to go through the inconvenience of getting the kids out of the van just to run in to a convenience store and give the clerk my cash.)
************
Final one for the night ... Judah is not quite 3, and Miriam is 4 weeks:
After I got out of the shower, I sat on the bed to nurse Miriam. Judah sat beside me and put his hand on my leg. He said, "Mommy, where are your nails? I don't see your nails."
I had shaved my legs.
************
After putting Judah down for a nap and hearing him climb out of his crib, I called upstairs, "Judah, are you in your bed?" Scramble. Climb. Jump.
I open the door and say, "Were you in your bed?"
He says, "I'm in my bed now."
**********
Judah Quote: I want to be a family. Let's all sit on the couch together. We're together now! We're as a family!
**********
While standing on the stepstool, Judah was putting toys in the blender in the kitchen and pretending to make smoothies for me. (Yes, it was unplugged.) I made a sandwich and told him I was going to eat it in the dining room.
"Do you want to come?" I asked.
"No, thank you. I'm really busy. I will join you in a minute."
************
We often give him two choices, but sometimes he confuses the word "choices" with the word "chances," so he'll say, "Mommy, tell me my chances."
************
Judah and Tiffany were playing outside on the porch. They placed two child-sized chairs on top of a mat facing two small square tables. James brought them some food so they could pretend they were at a restaurant. Toward the end, Judah asked, "Daddy, may I have a credit card?"
James was delighted that Judah wasn't going to make Tiffany pay for the meal. For all you Dave Ramsey fans, we started using cash for almost all of our purchases shortly afterward. (I still use the credit card for gasoline--I'm not about to go through the inconvenience of getting the kids out of the van just to run in to a convenience store and give the clerk my cash.)
************
Final one for the night ... Judah is not quite 3, and Miriam is 4 weeks:
After I got out of the shower, I sat on the bed to nurse Miriam. Judah sat beside me and put his hand on my leg. He said, "Mommy, where are your nails? I don't see your nails."
I had shaved my legs.
The Aspiring Parenting Expert
Parenting is one of my new passions. Everything I've ever done I've desired to do with excellence. If I couldn't be an expert (fill in the blank), I'd move on to something else.
I love a challenge. After college, I started selling cars because I knew nothing about cars and wanted to be challenged. It was an awesome experience. I learned that most car buyers (especially women) don't know what kind of questions to ask. I realized that in order to do something well--in order to make good decisions--we have to educate ourselves. We have to do our own research. I love to dig around and learn as much as I can about whatever it is I'm doing for the moment.
I used to be an over-achiever. For years I made straight-A's in school. In high school, when I got my first "real" job at Sonic Drive-In (read: taxes deducted from my meager paycheck), I ended up winning the "Carhop of the Year" award. As a result, I earned scholarship money and acted in national television commercials. In college, I won writing and academic scholarships. I was one of the top-sellers of men's clothes at my first mall job. Upon graduating college, I was the first salesperson to sell a car to one of the professors at APSU. I later taught at a junior college and began reading books about resume writing because someone came into my office needing help constructing a resume. I went from admissions counselor to Placement Director to College Instructor. I spent countless hours looking for resources in the library, reading, researching, networking with employers, finding new ways to explain things, learning. Even more than a challenge, I love to learn.
For me, being a parent is no different. I'm constantly taking advantage of parenting resources and watching friends interact with their kids and getting time with families who have strong connections with their well-behaved children. I want to know how to parent well. I want to parent with excellence. Yes, as bizarre as it sounds, I'd even go so far as to say I want to be an expert at parenting.
I was recently asked about my parenting style, and I wrote this e-mail on July 23 in response:
In answer to your question about Judah, I usually say something like, "Would you like to do this now or hang out in your room until you're ready to do it?" or like yesterday, "Would you like to clean up your mess now or sit in this chair until you're ready to clean it up?" He chose the chair. Once I grabbed the broom and started cleaning, he jumped down and said, "Okay! I'm ready to clean up now!" It's just a little opportunity for him to feel in control of himself and his decisions. I think that when our kids are old enough to have opinions, we begin to label them "disobedient" or "rebellious" or "defiant," when they're just trying out their new opinions and their newly discovered sense of self. I think they mostly just want stuff to be their idea*. At least some of the time.
With Judah, I feel like we've gone through different levels of it, starting around 8 months, and reaching an all time high a few weeks ago. That was the first time he told me that he wouldn't do either choice. I calmly said, "No problem," and followed him downstairs. I picked up a little wooden spoon, took it in the room with him, and very calmly talked about how it made me sad when he made bad choices and spoke to me in a mean way. He was really upset because he didn't want to get a spank (which includes asking him if he knows why he's getting a spank, giving one swat on the back of the leg with me fully in control of my emotions, hugging him afterward and telling him I love him, and giving him some space). During one of our talks, he was able to "make it right with Mommy" and "try again." During another one, he got a spank. The day after his realization that he was fully in control of himself (and I wasn't in control of him), he came downstairs (after choosing to hang out in his room until he was ready to help me clean) saying, "It's good to obey your mom and dad." Amazing.
This week he has cried a couple of times, not because I asked him not to do something, but because he hurt something that belonged to me. That's a first. I love seeing him mature and become an independent little person. He tries stuff out on me all the time (I think) just to get a reaction. I believe that kids learn as early as two that our love is conditional--based on their performance--and that they need to perform according to our standards to receive love (or at least their definition of love). I try as much as I can to be Judah's "constant help in a time of need" and show him with all my facial expressions and body language that he can really blow it and I'll still love him. I sometimes blow it. And I "make it right" and he forgives me and we have some really sweet, tender moments together.
Sorry this is so long. Everyone is asleep, and I've been chewing all day on how to respond. I definitely don't have all the answers. I'm doing all this for the first time like most of you. I'm constantly looking to moms of multiple children for all kinds of guidance. Danny Silk's stuff really resonates with our spirits, so we're trying that approach and finding it incredibly challenging but bearing much fruit. Parenting Judah is as much about me getting free from limiting mindsets and external controls as it is about training and discipling him.
I'm so glad that we're all in this together.
* Another example: My mom called me today and told me that my 12-year-old nephew had an opportunity to make $20 mowing. He ended up not taking it because he got upset when his mom tried to tell him how to do it. My mom said at least four times that she told him, "Devon, you really blew it. You could have made the money, but you got angry and you lost your opportunity." I shared with her that she could have been sad for him that he didn't make the $20 and then asked him, "What do you think you'll do next time?" letting him work it out in his head rather than telling him what to do. And then, if he hasn't already said what she wanted to share, to say, "I have some suggestions if you want to hear them." That way, she's not throwing a guilt trip on him or telling him that he failed. She's showing compassion and offering help--if he wants it.
I imagined her trying to do something with her father-in-law breathing down her neck, trying to tell her how to do it. She, too, would have forfeited the $20 just to get him off her back. People have a strong need to be in control of themselves and to be free from external controls. One of the most powerful things James ever did with me is show me how my actions affected him (replacing anger with sadness), but saying to me, "It breaks my heart when you do this, but I'm not in control of you. YOU are in control of you, and I still love you." To me, that's unconditional love. And it really does cast out fear, cover a multitude of sins, and set the captives free.
Our little people may not respond right away to our sadness. We may only get a response right away when we get angry or threaten them with fear (like a spank), but if we give it time, we'll see that they care about us and our feelings. They will begin to make choices that will delight us rather than sadden us. When that happens, it's so glorious. It's then that we'll create for them a true picture what it's like to be in a love relationship with Papa God. (I'm assuming that we're also constantly encouraging them, praying for and with them, and doing things they enjoy...I figure that's a given in this group.)
I love a challenge. After college, I started selling cars because I knew nothing about cars and wanted to be challenged. It was an awesome experience. I learned that most car buyers (especially women) don't know what kind of questions to ask. I realized that in order to do something well--in order to make good decisions--we have to educate ourselves. We have to do our own research. I love to dig around and learn as much as I can about whatever it is I'm doing for the moment.
I used to be an over-achiever. For years I made straight-A's in school. In high school, when I got my first "real" job at Sonic Drive-In (read: taxes deducted from my meager paycheck), I ended up winning the "Carhop of the Year" award. As a result, I earned scholarship money and acted in national television commercials. In college, I won writing and academic scholarships. I was one of the top-sellers of men's clothes at my first mall job. Upon graduating college, I was the first salesperson to sell a car to one of the professors at APSU. I later taught at a junior college and began reading books about resume writing because someone came into my office needing help constructing a resume. I went from admissions counselor to Placement Director to College Instructor. I spent countless hours looking for resources in the library, reading, researching, networking with employers, finding new ways to explain things, learning. Even more than a challenge, I love to learn.
For me, being a parent is no different. I'm constantly taking advantage of parenting resources and watching friends interact with their kids and getting time with families who have strong connections with their well-behaved children. I want to know how to parent well. I want to parent with excellence. Yes, as bizarre as it sounds, I'd even go so far as to say I want to be an expert at parenting.
I was recently asked about my parenting style, and I wrote this e-mail on July 23 in response:
In answer to your question about Judah, I usually say something like, "Would you like to do this now or hang out in your room until you're ready to do it?" or like yesterday, "Would you like to clean up your mess now or sit in this chair until you're ready to clean it up?" He chose the chair. Once I grabbed the broom and started cleaning, he jumped down and said, "Okay! I'm ready to clean up now!" It's just a little opportunity for him to feel in control of himself and his decisions. I think that when our kids are old enough to have opinions, we begin to label them "disobedient" or "rebellious" or "defiant," when they're just trying out their new opinions and their newly discovered sense of self. I think they mostly just want stuff to be their idea*. At least some of the time.
With Judah, I feel like we've gone through different levels of it, starting around 8 months, and reaching an all time high a few weeks ago. That was the first time he told me that he wouldn't do either choice. I calmly said, "No problem," and followed him downstairs. I picked up a little wooden spoon, took it in the room with him, and very calmly talked about how it made me sad when he made bad choices and spoke to me in a mean way. He was really upset because he didn't want to get a spank (which includes asking him if he knows why he's getting a spank, giving one swat on the back of the leg with me fully in control of my emotions, hugging him afterward and telling him I love him, and giving him some space). During one of our talks, he was able to "make it right with Mommy" and "try again." During another one, he got a spank. The day after his realization that he was fully in control of himself (and I wasn't in control of him), he came downstairs (after choosing to hang out in his room until he was ready to help me clean) saying, "It's good to obey your mom and dad." Amazing.
This week he has cried a couple of times, not because I asked him not to do something, but because he hurt something that belonged to me. That's a first. I love seeing him mature and become an independent little person. He tries stuff out on me all the time (I think) just to get a reaction. I believe that kids learn as early as two that our love is conditional--based on their performance--and that they need to perform according to our standards to receive love (or at least their definition of love). I try as much as I can to be Judah's "constant help in a time of need" and show him with all my facial expressions and body language that he can really blow it and I'll still love him. I sometimes blow it. And I "make it right" and he forgives me and we have some really sweet, tender moments together.
Sorry this is so long. Everyone is asleep, and I've been chewing all day on how to respond. I definitely don't have all the answers. I'm doing all this for the first time like most of you. I'm constantly looking to moms of multiple children for all kinds of guidance. Danny Silk's stuff really resonates with our spirits, so we're trying that approach and finding it incredibly challenging but bearing much fruit. Parenting Judah is as much about me getting free from limiting mindsets and external controls as it is about training and discipling him.
I'm so glad that we're all in this together.
* Another example: My mom called me today and told me that my 12-year-old nephew had an opportunity to make $20 mowing. He ended up not taking it because he got upset when his mom tried to tell him how to do it. My mom said at least four times that she told him, "Devon, you really blew it. You could have made the money, but you got angry and you lost your opportunity." I shared with her that she could have been sad for him that he didn't make the $20 and then asked him, "What do you think you'll do next time?" letting him work it out in his head rather than telling him what to do. And then, if he hasn't already said what she wanted to share, to say, "I have some suggestions if you want to hear them." That way, she's not throwing a guilt trip on him or telling him that he failed. She's showing compassion and offering help--if he wants it.
I imagined her trying to do something with her father-in-law breathing down her neck, trying to tell her how to do it. She, too, would have forfeited the $20 just to get him off her back. People have a strong need to be in control of themselves and to be free from external controls. One of the most powerful things James ever did with me is show me how my actions affected him (replacing anger with sadness), but saying to me, "It breaks my heart when you do this, but I'm not in control of you. YOU are in control of you, and I still love you." To me, that's unconditional love. And it really does cast out fear, cover a multitude of sins, and set the captives free.
Our little people may not respond right away to our sadness. We may only get a response right away when we get angry or threaten them with fear (like a spank), but if we give it time, we'll see that they care about us and our feelings. They will begin to make choices that will delight us rather than sadden us. When that happens, it's so glorious. It's then that we'll create for them a true picture what it's like to be in a love relationship with Papa God. (I'm assuming that we're also constantly encouraging them, praying for and with them, and doing things they enjoy...I figure that's a given in this group.)
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
Franklin Friend looking for Roomie
My very very silly, very very cute, and very very funny friend Becki is looking for an equally fabulous roommate to share her apartment in Franklin.
48 Hr. Film Festival
I participated in the 48 Hr. Film Festival this year. The film I was in (for a full two seconds) is really funny. I play a startled co-worker and have a little voice-over. It was a blast. In case you're interested, the public screenings are next week at the Belcourt in Hillsboro Village.
From Erin O'Barr (she and her sister Wendy are the film-makers extraordinaire):
We were the first team to turn in our movie!!! (Personally, I took that as a sign of God's favor which seemed to be on the whole weekend.) Wendy & I are quite pleased with the movie we turned in. There are, of course, things we wanted to fix but just ran out of time. Still I think "The Buddy System" is an admirable effort & I think folks will enjoy it! I know we will!
The films are divided up into groups & we are in Group B (Balloon Poodle Productions, The Buddy System) You can purchase tickets from the Belcourt. Aug 6-8 there will be screenings open to the public at the Belcourt each evening. Invite your friends & family! But also know that there is no guarantee as to what else they might have to sit through. 48 Hour films run the gamut & I have left some feeling like I needed a spiritual bath.
You can get more specific info at www.48hourfilm.com. Look for the Nashville link.
Monday, Aug 6 @ 4:30 (A), 6:15 (B), 8:00 (C), 9:45 (D)
Tuesday, Aug 7 @ 4:30 (C), 6:15 (D), 8:00 (A), 9:45 (B)
Wednesday, Aug 8 @ 4:30 (B), 6:15 (C), 8:00 (D), 9:45 (A)
Tickets are available at the door at standard Belcourt prices:
$8 (all screenings after 6pm)
$6 (all screenings before 6pm)
From Erin O'Barr (she and her sister Wendy are the film-makers extraordinaire):
We were the first team to turn in our movie!!! (Personally, I took that as a sign of God's favor which seemed to be on the whole weekend.) Wendy & I are quite pleased with the movie we turned in. There are, of course, things we wanted to fix but just ran out of time. Still I think "The Buddy System" is an admirable effort & I think folks will enjoy it! I know we will!
The films are divided up into groups & we are in Group B (Balloon Poodle Productions, The Buddy System) You can purchase tickets from the Belcourt. Aug 6-8 there will be screenings open to the public at the Belcourt each evening. Invite your friends & family! But also know that there is no guarantee as to what else they might have to sit through. 48 Hour films run the gamut & I have left some feeling like I needed a spiritual bath.
You can get more specific info at www.48hourfilm.com. Look for the Nashville link.
Monday, Aug 6 @ 4:30 (A), 6:15 (B), 8:00 (C), 9:45 (D)
Tuesday, Aug 7 @ 4:30 (C), 6:15 (D), 8:00 (A), 9:45 (B)
Wednesday, Aug 8 @ 4:30 (B), 6:15 (C), 8:00 (D), 9:45 (A)
Tickets are available at the door at standard Belcourt prices:
$8 (all screenings after 6pm)
$6 (all screenings before 6pm)
33 July Posts
A sense of accomplishment is a wonderful feeling. A clean kitchen (rarely happens), a mowed lawn (thanks to the drought), a shower (about every other day). Now I have 33 July posts on my blog. I'm a happy girl.
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