Questions vs. Commands

Sometimes I get on here and I can't remember a single thing I've thought of throughout the day. I'm having one of those moments right now. I cleaned out the fridge today and thought of at least half a dozen things I could write about. Now that the kids are asleep and I'm sitting at my computer, my mind is blank.

OK, something I realized to a deeper degree today is that when Judah is doing something I don't want him to do (like swing a stick around people, for example), I can tell him to stop, or I can ask him questions (Is it safe or not safe to swing a stick around people?) When I ask him a question, it forces him to engage in the discipline process. He has to stop to think, he evaluates his own behavior, and he either continues doing it or he stops. If he continues to do something I don't want him to, I'll ask, "So what do you need to do?" He usually says, "Stop doing it." And I'll respond, "Great idea!"

I realized how important asking questions is today because yesterday mostly bossed him around. The first half of today I spent asking questions. The second half found me exhausted and pulling the "Do you want to obey or get a spank" card. Ugh. He responds so much better to questions. He wants so much to be in control of himself. He also wants me to be happy.

He will often do things just to be able to ask me, "Mommy, are you happy that I did that?" So I try to make a big deal out of the stuff that delights me because I want the things that I like to get a lot of attention. If I'm not intentional about commending him for his positive behavior, I'll only draw attention to that which saddens or frustrates or scares me. Since one of his primary love languages is "words of affirmation," it's absolutely critical that I boast about his accomplishments and affirm him verbally every day. I know that if I ever insulted him, he would be crushed. I'm so thankful that he is mine and I am his.