Lunch Hat

Nearly two weeks ago we went to Bread & Company for lunch with our sweet friends John and Susan Langager (whose baby was born early and is still in the hospital) and our favorite music-therapist/babysitter-friend Gloria. When I put our to-go bag on Miriam's head, Gloria said, "Oh, man, I wish I had a camera. Wait! I do have a camera!" And with her phone, she took this picture of Miriam:

The Three R's: Reading, Reading, and Reading

As I begin to think about being responsible for my kids' education, I'm forced to think about what "education" means. I just finished reading my first "homeschool philosophy" book, For the Children's Sake by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay. I loved it. James bought for me so I can read it again and again throughout this journey of home-educating my children.

I'm also being forced to look at our family's habits--good and bad--and begin to make changes that will benefit us in the long run. It's not easy. There's some resistance. Defensiveness. Attitudes. Hurt. Pain. Tears. Oh, Jesus, help us.

My head is swirling with ideas. I'm excited and apprehensive at the same time. I've begun checking out books from the library that are recommended classics. I continue to read aloud to Judah for approximately an hour every day.

I love coming downstairs after putting Miriam down for her morning nap and having Judah ask, "Where's Miriam?" To which I say, "She's sleeping." And his eyes open wide. "We can read books now?" (Oh, I wish you could hear how he says it--he's so delightedly excited.)

"Yes, Judah, we can read books."

"Yay, Yay, Yay!"

We decide which books we're going to read, we cozy up on the couch, and we spend the next hour or so cuddling and reading and asking questions and talking . . . until I feel as though my eyes are going to dry up and I begin to nod off. I hear Judah say, "You're not reading!" I must have fallen asleep. "OK, baby, one more book and then I need a break."

Oh, these are some of the best moments of my current life.

My Judah

Sometimes it helps to have a visual. These are pictures of Judah "all dressed up" at our friends' house. Obviously, he's a bit obsessed with weapons right now. He also got into some make-up. His favorite thing to do besides read books is play dress-up and act out all the stories he has been reading.

I just wanted you to see what he normally looks like before I share a recent experience. This is the little person God has entrusted to me. This is the one I have the privilege of home-educating. This is the one who mirrors back to me all that I say and do. This is the one who brings me joy every day of my life. This is the one who can push buttons that I didn't even know existed.

And now for the story . . .

A day or two after Thanksgiving, I was preparing to take a meal to some friends who had just had a baby. James came home from work to put together his famous creamy tomato-basil soup and berry zing salad. I managed to get everything in the car on time and was just about to leave when I realized I had forgotten the bag of baby stuff that I meant to grab. I ran back in the house, and when I came back out, I saw that Judah had climbed over the back seat of the van and landed in the salad.

I lost it.

I really lost it.

I don't think I've lost it (with Judah) to the degree that I lost it that day. I reached over the back seat and swatted his leg five times. (Normally, I ask him to go to the bathroom and wait for me--gives me time to cool down and provides a private place for correction. Normally, I give his leg ONE swat. The whole time, I'm calm and in control of my emotions. I explain why I can't let him do what he did. I tell him I love him. I hold him or give him space--depending on what he needs. That's normal. This was not normal.) Once I stopped swatting him, I shouted, "What were you thinking?" and walked away. I walked down the road almost to the neighbor's house. I turned around and told him to get in the house and get me some napkins.

"Okay, Mommy."

He didn't cry. He didn't protest.

He came back with a wad of napkins.

"Mommy, are you happy I got these for you?"

I'm fuming. I'm absolutely furious. I need him to go away for his own protection. "Judah, go in the house and wait for me."

"Okay, Mommy."

I get things cleaned up and go inside. He's sitting at the bottom of the stairs. I sit down next to him. I repent. I tell him that I was really frustrated that he messed up the salad. I tell him that even when I'm frustrated, I need to remember that he's more important than salad. I ask his forgiveness. He forgives me. We embrace. He says, "Mommy, your necklace is really beautiful." We get in the car and take a slightly modified meal to our friends.

That was almost two months ago.

A couple days ago, Judah and I were downstairs waiting for Miriam and Daddy to wake up. Judah kept getting loud and I kept telling him to be quiet. At one point, I was looking out the door and he came running down the hall behind me, shouting. Shouting! I turned around and smacked his arm. He started to get pouty. I told him that he needed to be quiet while Daddy and Mira were sleeping. He sat at the bottom of the stairs and I sat on the couch. We were facing each other. I started to look at the computer when he says to me, "Mommy. Mommy." very seriously.

He continues, "Do you remember yesterday [for Judah, yesterday is any time before today] when I stepped on the salad [I'm thinking--salad? What salad? My mind is racing for that moment. Oh, yes. I remember.] and you said you needed to remember that I was more important than salad?"

"Yes, Judah, I remember that."

"Well, you need to do that now."

Wow. He remembered. He walks over to me, climbs in my lap, and I ask him, "Do you want me to remember that you're more important than salad or more important than something else?"

"More important than salad."

"You're right, Judah, you're more important than salad. And I need to remember that. Thank you for reminding me."

I cuddle him and laugh with him and offer to read some books, which will be a quiet activity for us to enjoy untill the rest of the family wakes up. He shouts, "Yeah! Let's read books together!" Oh, Judah, it's so hard for you to remember to be quiet.

Speaking of reading, I've started reading The Chronicles of Narnia to him. When Polly disappears at the end of the first chapter, Judah looks at me wide-eyed and says, "That's just pretend, right?" We read two chapters yesterday. He would have sat through another chapter if my eyes could have stayed open that long.

I love that he has such a voracious appetite for books. I'm constantly amazed at his vocabulary. Tonight he says to me, "Miriam struck me in the neck with a straw." Struck. Nice verb. Yes, of course, I told him it was a nice verb. That's the kind of verb I was trying to get my junior high kids at New Song Christian Academy to use in their writing.

I need to start writing down all the things he interprets (rather than memorizes). For example, for Judah, a "finger pin" is a thumb tack.

On a somewhat different note but still related to reading, I checked out a book from the library on Friday and I'm already halfway through it. I'm absolutely devouring it. It's called For the Children's Sake: Foundations of Education for Home and School by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay. The author is the daughter of Francis Schaeffer, author of A Christian Manifesto and How Should We Then Live: The Rise and Decline of Western Thought and Culture. Oh, I love this book.

In Chapter 4, "A New Perspective: Education is a Discipline," Schaeffer writes,

"Let me list a few successes we parents rejoice in when our children manage to produce them (perhaps as listed on a report card!):

Child X has a habit of attention; he concentrates well. He applies himself to whatever task is at hand, to the best of his ability. He thinks for himself, and has a rich creative imagination. He remembers what he has read or heard. He achieves a good standard in his work. He is obedient and careful. He is truthful. He respects others, and enjoys his own life with cheerful enthusiasm.

If such a child ever existed, his education would have been unusually successful."

For the most part, I feel as though this describes Judah. We are, of course, always working on all of these things--especially the "respects others" part. But I love the person that he is and the person that he is becoming. He is a delight to me. And, as you can now see, he contributes--with kindness and care and gentleness--to my humility. And I let him.

Speaking of Art and Recycling . . .

James and I have been rotating Thursday nights out. Last night I went to a movie with my crazy friend Becki, and James stayed home with the kids.

This is what I came home to:

He and Judah spent the evening making a purse for me. Not just any purse, either. A recycled goods purse. He took an old wool sweater, "felted" it, cut it out, stitched it together by hand, and embellished it with jewelry he bought for me in India that broke in transit. Judah was especially excited about getting to use scissors. I love that my boys are artistic, industrious, globally-minded, and oh, so good to me.

Art Stats

Jordan's Art Gives New Perspective on Statistics (and new meaning to the "Reduce" part of Reduce, Reuse, Recycle). Check it out:

http://www.chrisjordan.com/current_set2.php?id=

He cracks me up.

Judah informed me today that he renamed the dolls that live in our dollhouse (thank you, Shyla!). They are no longer Vernilla and Berfabio. They are now Cinderella and Tulip. Of course.

Earlier this afternoon, I was on the phone with Wendy. Judah was being loud and obnoxious. Naturally, I moved away from him. As I was heading down the stairs, he started flipping out. I told him he could join me downstairs as soon as he put his clothes on. He flipped out some more. I told Wendy he was heading for a nap soon. A few minutes after I got off the phone, I noticed it was unusually quiet upstairs. I never know what I'm going to find when it gets quiet. This time, I find:

He still hadn't put his clothes on. Fortunately, you can't tell from this picture. What a kid.

Mira learns to say, "Ta Da!"

My little actor

My little reader

Soft drinks are hard on your body

I just read this article from the Mercola website and thought I'd share it with all my soda-drinking friends:

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2008/1/19/what-happens-to-your-body-within-an-hour-of-drinking-a-coke.aspx

My primary vice is still sweet and/or fruit tea. It's an addiction that I definitely need to kick. The tap water, refined sugar, and caffiene are SO bad for my body. You know, I've actually noticed a relationship between Judah's refined sugar consumption and his nose running. When we don't offer sweets and encourage him to go to bed at a decent hour, he stays pretty healthy.

Here are Mercola's suggestions for building your immune system:

Getting a good night’s sleep
Minimizing stress in your life
Exercising regularly and effectively
Getting enough sun exposure or, alternatively, enough of the right vitamin D (if you live in a cold environment where you can't stay out in the sun)
Avoiding sugar and grains, and instead eating plenty of raw foods

And speaking of sleep. . .that's where I need to head right now. Good night!

Initial thoughts from this week's parenting moments

I want to blog about an experience we recently had with Tiffany and a conversation I had with Judah yesterday, but I don't have my thoughts together yet. I think I'll just throw some thoughts out there and worry about organizing them later. I have to remember that this is my place to do that--I'm not just here to inform friends and family about stuff that interests me. Deep breath.

Tiffany stayed with us for several days during Christmas break. She wore dirty clothes to church on Sunday because I didn't know she needed me to wash them. I washed her clothes on Sunday night. On Monday morning I was getting clothes out of the closet for Miriam and needed to push Tiffany's suitcase out of the way. It was pretty heavy considering the minimal number of clothes I washed. I opened it and saw that she not only had other clothes to wear, but she also had my MP3 player. My heart sank. I didn't know what to do.

I called James who had run into my friend Wendy, so I talked to her first. Then, I called Rachel Hall. She has 8 children and, obviously, a lot of parenting experience. Both friends gave me good advice. I prayed and waited. When James got home with the kids (he had taken them to Opry Mills to have lunch, ride the carosel, and pet the stingrays), I told him I wanted to take Tiffany home by myself. We were already planning to take her home that afternoon, so this wasn't punishment.

When we got in the car, I asked her what she remembered most about the weekend. (We had spent the night with another family who has four children, went to church on Sunday, and Monday afternoon James took her and Judah to the mall.) At first, she said that there were a lot of good things about this year. Then I asked again what about the weekend stood out to her. She said, "I remember that Judah kept calling Melina 'Princess Buttercup.'" Wow. A full weekend of fun stuff and that's what she remembers.

I overheard her say to him the night before when he was trying to get her to play with him, "I tried to play with you yesterday but you just wanted to play with Princess Buttercup." I told James about it. I had no idea it would come up again.

Turns out, Judah was pretending to be Weseley and he wanted Tiffany to pretend to be the bad guys. I said, "What do bad guys do?"

"Steal. Kidnap people. Hurt people."

"Did you like being the bad guy?"

"No."

"Who did you want to pretend to be?"

Of course, she says, "The princess."

"Why do you think Judah kept calling Melina 'Princess Buttercup'?"

Why did I even ask? Tiffany says, "Because she looks like Princess Buttercup."

My heart jumps into my throat. Of course. Milky white skin. Feathery blonde hair. Little princess dresses and tiaras. Melina looked just like a tiny Princess Buttercup. And Tiffany? Well, she looked like the bad guy. Dark skin, dark eyes, dark hair. Pants and boots. And she can't do a single thing to change it. It broke my heart.

I asked several questions and finally got around to asking, "Have you ever taken anything that didn't belong to you?" At first she said that she used to when she was little and didn't know any better. Then she finally admitted to taking the MP3 player. When I asked her why she did it, she said, "I was jealous."

I asked, "Were you jealous that we have things that you don't have?"

As soon as I said the word "jealous," I knew there was a connection to the Princess Buttercup jealousy.

I said, "Did you know that when you take things that don't belong to you, you're following Satan, who is the enemy? He tricked you into stealing when you were feeling jealous. Wasn't that mean and sneaky of him?"

"Yeah," she says, "they talked about that in the Firehouse at church yesterday. They said that Satan comes in when you're feeling sad or angry . . ."

"Or jealous."

She smiled. I told her that Satan wants people to feel bad about themselves. His job is to steal, kill, and destroy. He wants people to be isolated and alone. He wants them to be afraid. He wants them dead.

It's that simple. It's the same kind of conversation I had with Judah when he marked up our cedar chest with permanent marker--two things he knows he's not supposed to do. I'm entering new territory with these two. It's a lot more complicated than what I do with Miriam.

I talked to Tiffany about why it's so important to be honest--what integrity means--why people don't trust people who lie or cheat or steal. We talked about how you go about accumulating things (get a job, work, save money, buy stuff) and how it would be really hard to get a job if you had stolen something and lied about it. I asked her if she wanted to live in a different place when she grows up. She does. I told her that one of the ways that she could have a better life was to start by being honest. I shared with her comments that people have made about her either when they've seen pictures of her or when they've interacted with her (What a beautiful smile! She's so good with kids. She's so kind and helpful.)

I love that little girl. I'm hoping to come back and fill in some of the details, but for now I've got some thoughts down. It's time to go to bed.

New Beginnings

Ah, my first post of the new year.

2008.

8 is the number of new beginnings, coming after 7, the number of completion.

We celebrated 8 years of marriage in October.

We ended 2007 by spending the night with new friends, friends we met this year. We brought in 2008 by spending the night with old friends, one friend I've walked with for 8 years.

Another friend sent me the link to "Holy Experience," (the title and picture above is from "Holy Experience," a blog by Ann Voskamp). This is a link to a life I often dream of. Take a minute to dial way down. Find a settled place in your spirit. Listen to the music, look at the pictures, soak in the message.

Welcome to one of the dreams of my heart.

http://holyexperience.blogspot.com/