Initial thoughts from this week's parenting moments

I want to blog about an experience we recently had with Tiffany and a conversation I had with Judah yesterday, but I don't have my thoughts together yet. I think I'll just throw some thoughts out there and worry about organizing them later. I have to remember that this is my place to do that--I'm not just here to inform friends and family about stuff that interests me. Deep breath.

Tiffany stayed with us for several days during Christmas break. She wore dirty clothes to church on Sunday because I didn't know she needed me to wash them. I washed her clothes on Sunday night. On Monday morning I was getting clothes out of the closet for Miriam and needed to push Tiffany's suitcase out of the way. It was pretty heavy considering the minimal number of clothes I washed. I opened it and saw that she not only had other clothes to wear, but she also had my MP3 player. My heart sank. I didn't know what to do.

I called James who had run into my friend Wendy, so I talked to her first. Then, I called Rachel Hall. She has 8 children and, obviously, a lot of parenting experience. Both friends gave me good advice. I prayed and waited. When James got home with the kids (he had taken them to Opry Mills to have lunch, ride the carosel, and pet the stingrays), I told him I wanted to take Tiffany home by myself. We were already planning to take her home that afternoon, so this wasn't punishment.

When we got in the car, I asked her what she remembered most about the weekend. (We had spent the night with another family who has four children, went to church on Sunday, and Monday afternoon James took her and Judah to the mall.) At first, she said that there were a lot of good things about this year. Then I asked again what about the weekend stood out to her. She said, "I remember that Judah kept calling Melina 'Princess Buttercup.'" Wow. A full weekend of fun stuff and that's what she remembers.

I overheard her say to him the night before when he was trying to get her to play with him, "I tried to play with you yesterday but you just wanted to play with Princess Buttercup." I told James about it. I had no idea it would come up again.

Turns out, Judah was pretending to be Weseley and he wanted Tiffany to pretend to be the bad guys. I said, "What do bad guys do?"

"Steal. Kidnap people. Hurt people."

"Did you like being the bad guy?"

"No."

"Who did you want to pretend to be?"

Of course, she says, "The princess."

"Why do you think Judah kept calling Melina 'Princess Buttercup'?"

Why did I even ask? Tiffany says, "Because she looks like Princess Buttercup."

My heart jumps into my throat. Of course. Milky white skin. Feathery blonde hair. Little princess dresses and tiaras. Melina looked just like a tiny Princess Buttercup. And Tiffany? Well, she looked like the bad guy. Dark skin, dark eyes, dark hair. Pants and boots. And she can't do a single thing to change it. It broke my heart.

I asked several questions and finally got around to asking, "Have you ever taken anything that didn't belong to you?" At first she said that she used to when she was little and didn't know any better. Then she finally admitted to taking the MP3 player. When I asked her why she did it, she said, "I was jealous."

I asked, "Were you jealous that we have things that you don't have?"

As soon as I said the word "jealous," I knew there was a connection to the Princess Buttercup jealousy.

I said, "Did you know that when you take things that don't belong to you, you're following Satan, who is the enemy? He tricked you into stealing when you were feeling jealous. Wasn't that mean and sneaky of him?"

"Yeah," she says, "they talked about that in the Firehouse at church yesterday. They said that Satan comes in when you're feeling sad or angry . . ."

"Or jealous."

She smiled. I told her that Satan wants people to feel bad about themselves. His job is to steal, kill, and destroy. He wants people to be isolated and alone. He wants them to be afraid. He wants them dead.

It's that simple. It's the same kind of conversation I had with Judah when he marked up our cedar chest with permanent marker--two things he knows he's not supposed to do. I'm entering new territory with these two. It's a lot more complicated than what I do with Miriam.

I talked to Tiffany about why it's so important to be honest--what integrity means--why people don't trust people who lie or cheat or steal. We talked about how you go about accumulating things (get a job, work, save money, buy stuff) and how it would be really hard to get a job if you had stolen something and lied about it. I asked her if she wanted to live in a different place when she grows up. She does. I told her that one of the ways that she could have a better life was to start by being honest. I shared with her comments that people have made about her either when they've seen pictures of her or when they've interacted with her (What a beautiful smile! She's so good with kids. She's so kind and helpful.)

I love that little girl. I'm hoping to come back and fill in some of the details, but for now I've got some thoughts down. It's time to go to bed.